


Ditch'em or Date'em

by Cereith



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Fluff, Humor, I don't like Saren, Jane as a Hostess, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, One Shot, dating show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-10-05
Packaged: 2018-04-24 22:04:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4937062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cereith/pseuds/Cereith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan gets dragged to a Dating Show he didn't want to go to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ditch'em or Date'em

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ArchLucie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArchLucie/gifts).



> This is a gift fic dedicated to ArchLucie.
> 
> She provided the prompt for the fic and i offered to write it for her, given her permission.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the fic just as much as she would.
> 
> Thank You!!  
> :)

Miranda, Liara, and Ashley somehow managed to drag him out to this…. dare he say it dating show; all because their friend, Tali, felt “sick” at the last minute. Kaidan would bet his entire credit savings that she just wanted an out from coming to this show.

If they wanted to watch this show so bad they could have easily have done this in front of a TV screen while sitting on a nice plush couch. Instead they wanted to come to a studio and sit next to a bunch of other strangers. Now he’s crowded between Miranda and Liara, with Ashley sitting next to Miranda. He’s waiting for this god forsaken show to get on with it so he can get home and crawl into bed. 

Miranda and Ashley kept snickering at him for some reason and Liara was chuckling lightly beside hm. What were they up to? Come to think of it they kept on pestering him more than usual to dress nicely for this show. He wore a black t-shirt with dark blue jeans because these three had raided his closet and hand picked his outfit He didn’t think much of it at the time because it was the way they acted whenever they went out together for anything. 

He didn’t have long to think on it though as the houselights dimmed and a spotlight shined down on a woman, with red hair that complimented her elegant one shoulder red dress, as she walked towards the center of the stage. She raised a microphone up to her lipstick red lips and spoke.

“Welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen!” Her voice was so lively and filled with excitement. “I’m your hostess, Jane Shepard, but you can call me Janey.” 

She winked at the audience filled with countless woman and several other men spread sparsely among them.

“How are you all doing here tonight?” The audience thundered at her question with enthusiasm. 

“Why don’t we get this show on the road?” She continued. The audience applauded and woman squealed in excitement. “As you all know we find the hottest eligible bachelors here on Citadel and have our secret guest decide whether he’lllll” Jane pointed her microphone in the direction of the audience.

The entire audience, except for him, exploded in unison, “Ditch’em or Date’em!!!” The audience yelled and cheered as they wait for the show to continue.

“That’s right!” Jane went on. “So let’s get started!” There’s another uproar from the audience as Jane moved to the side and three seats are lit up by spotlights. The background was all hearts of red and pink. Kaidan felt bad for the sorry the ones that would have to sit up there. 

“Our first contestant is one of our very own C-Sec officers.” Jane motioned to someone with her datapad across the stage. “Please welcome Garrus Vakarian!”

A Turian wearing blue face paint came out on stage, smiling and waving to the audience. They cheered for him as he took his seat. Woman, and even some men, squealed at him happily. Several women were seen swooning for the Turian. 

“Ladies, would you look at this fine hunk of Turian!” Jane acted like she was heating up as she fanned herself. “I would like to see who can top him!”

“Our next guest is another Turian, serving with the Palavan Military Forces.” Jane peered down at her datapad. “Uh, welcome Saren Art-arter-outer….” Jane looked annoyingly down at the datapad as she tried to read the person’s name. She settled on, “Welcome Saren.” Though it wasn’t as enthusiastic as Garrus’ welcome.

Out came a ghastly looking Turian. He had pale and a face that made him look like the grim reaper. Apparently he wasn’t the only one that noticed Saren’s appearance. Jane almost grimaced at the Turian as he stepped out and waved at the audience like Garrus had done. The audience greeted the Turian, however, the audience wasn’t as cheery as they were with Garrus. 

“Well, would you at this one.” Jane said with a strained voice. She was trying to stay joyful, but that was hard to do with Saren nearby. “He looks…. striking, doesn’t he.”

Saren took that as a compliment and smiled at what Jane said. The Turian should really refrain from doing any form of expression on his face.

“Alright uh, let’s move on.” Jane looked to her datapad to get the information for the next contestant. “Well, ladies and gentlemen we have a special treat for you tonight.”

He could see his friends fidgeting in their seat nervously. Kaidan wondered what that was about.

“We have a nominated surprise competitor here tonight.” Jane looked excited and her voice showed it as well. “As you all well know, this past month the show has been accepting requests for those who wanted to be on the show from anyone. Well this surprise competitor has received a great amount of support from his friends as we have received countless requests for him to be on this show tonight.”

Kaidan quietly laughed in his seat, pitying the poor bastard that got forced to be on the show by their friends.

“This competitor is an Alliance Solider, currently on leave here on Citadel.” He wondered if he knew the guy that was about to get called up there. “He’s is an especially powerful Biotic. Well we all know how much fun Biotics can be.” Jane smiled teasingly as she used her Biotics to levitate her datapad slightly. The audience just loved Jane at that moment, Kaidan was afraid that they would literally throw themselves at her feet.

“Everyone please put your hands together and welcome, Mr.” Jane paused for dramatic effect as spotlights above them moved in different directions over the audience with a suspenseful drumroll playing in the background. Miranda, Ashley, and Liara were practically dripping in eagerness now as they waited for Jane to announce the name of the person.

“Kaidan Alenko!” The spotlights landed directly on him as she called out his name. Miranda, Ashley, and Liara hugged him on all sides, squealing with joy. The audience was looking in his direction, everyone clapping and cheering for him. 

Kaidan didn’t do anything, He didn’t even breath, he just sat there frozen from shock.

“Kaidan Alenko,” Jane’s voice brought him out of his daze, “Would you please come join the other contestants on the stage.”

Kaidan wondered if he could fight his way out of this studio. It didn’t matter how irrational he sounded, he just did not want to go up there.

“Come on Kaidan go,” Miranda said as Liara tried shoving him out of his seat.

“What did you guys do?’ He all, but yelled at them, but voice held no heat.

“We worked hard for this,” Ashley said, leaning down over Miranda so that he could hear her, “Now get up there.”

Kaidan reluctantly got up.

“Good luck.” Liara said as he made his way out of the seating aisle.

Gravity seemed to be weighing down on him as he walked up towards the stage and up the stage staircase. He walked up to take his seat, like he assumed he should, but Jane stopped him by placing her hand on his arm and turning him towards the audience.

“My my my,” Jane eyed him seductively, “Would you look at this hot sexy young man, isn’t he handsome laidies?”

The entire audience was at an uproar, eagerly agreeing with Jane’s opinion of him. Kaidan could feel his face heat up at her comments and the audience approval of those comments. 

“Give us a spin, Kaidan.” Jane used her finger to motion for him to spin around. Kaidan did what she said and spun around. “Oh this one has a nice biotic booty.”

The audience yelled their approval of Jane’s observation. Women left and right were fanning themselves, trying to get rid of their metaphorical heat. Kaidan could see his friends, giggling amongst themselves. If he wasn’t red before, he sure was now.

“I think Garrus might have some serious competition.” Jane motioned for him to take his seat next to Saren. “You too, Saren,” she said, but Kaidan could ell it was to be cordial not because she meant it.

“Now that we have all our competitors,” Jane tapped away at something at her datapad, “Let’s find out what they’ll win if our secret guest picks one of them.”

Screen off to the side lit up as well as one in the center behind the contestants.

“If our guest decides to pick one of you lucky guys, you will win an all expenses paid vacation with the guest to anywhere you want on Earth.” An image of earth appeared followed by several other images of well known hotspots on Earth.

“Now to win you’ll all have to do three activities on the show, the questionnaire, talent show-off, and we’ll top it off with gift exchange where the contestants can give the guest a gift of their choosing.”

Kaidan seriously wished that the floor would just swallow him whole right about know. This was not his thing, this publicity, this kind of attention he hated. Why couldn’t his friends just set him up on a blind date like normal people? No, instead they opt to put him on one of the most popular dating shows in the galaxy. 

Sure, Kaidan didn’t have the best success with dating and his relationship history was non-existent, but he believed that one day he’ll meet someone he could be with. This was not the way he ever expected to meet someone. 

There’s wasn’t a lot he could do right now. His friends already got him up here and leaving now would only embarrass himself further. He might as well get through this with what little dignity he had left. 

“Let’s meet our surprise guest shall we,” Jane motioned to something behind her. A white screen was lit up by a spotlight that show the silhouette of a person sitting on a chair. “For the sake of the show the guest will stay anonymous and will be know as Commander, since we seem to have a military theme going on here with the contestants. How are you doing tonight, Commander?”

What Kaidan heard next, he did not expect to effect him, but it did. The sound of the man’s voice made him shiver, it made goose bumps rise on his skin, and It made his knees feel like they would give out on him if he wasn’t already sitting. 

“I’m great, Janey!” There was a fondness to his tone. Like the guest knew Jane on a personal level. “Glad to be here.”

“Would you like to start off with the questionnaire portion first?” Jane asked. 

“Sounds great.” The Commander said.

“Ladies, gentlemen. This is the part where the Commander asks our contestants any questions he want, to whoever he want, and as long as he wants. Commander, who are you asking first and what is your first question?”

The Commander cleared his throat before speaking, “Uh, Garrus. How do you have fun?”

“I like to go out to a bar with friends, maybe break a rule or two.” Garrus replied casually.

“Oh, sounds like he’s a rebel like you, doesn’t he Commander?” Jane lightly giggled.

“He sounds like someone I’d want to have a good time with.” The Commander said. “Stop calling me a rebel Jane.”

“Next question, Commander.” Jane ignored The Commander.

He huffed out a breath and asked, “Saren, uh say your last name, I didn’t catch it.” It wasn’t a question, but Jane allowed it.

“Arterius.” Maybe Saren shouldn’t talk either, like at all.

“Thanks.” 

“That it.”

“Yep.”

“Next question,” Jane apparently got the message. The Commander didn’t want to question Saren. He only said anything at all to be polite. 

“Kaidan,” God the way his name sounded in this man’s voice, well it sounded….intimate. There goes his irrational brain again.

“Yes?” He asked because The Commander hadn’t said anything after saying his name.

“Uh, sorry. Don’t know what happened there. What are you looking for in someone?”

That’s a loaded question if he ever heard one. To be fair he never really though about it before, but he does know how he would like to be treated in a relationship so he opted to use that as a baseline. 

“Well, I look for someone who I can respect, someone I can look up to, who can understand me, someone I could love.” Kaidan said honestly. The audience awed at his response.

“Hot and romantic,” Jane said eagerly, “If you don’t date him, Commander, I will.” The audience and The Commander laughed at what she said. Kaidan could only hear the sound of The Commander’s laughter. Making him shiver in his seat.

“Garrus, do you believe in love at first sight?” The Commander asked once things settled down and he thanks Kaidan for his response on the previous question.

“I believe that you can learn to love a person once you get to know them, and if that started when you first saw that person then I do believe in love at first sight.”

“That’s sweet Garrus,” The Commander said. “Thanks for the response.”

The audience silently smiled at Garrus as Jane beamed at him.

“Kaidan, same question. Do you believe in love at first sight?”

He hoped that The Commander would ask him a different question. He wasn’t sure how to answer this, but then he remembered something someone once told him. 

“I- uh…. I don’t know, really.” Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I guess I believe in soul-mates. My friend, Lucie, once told me that they are fated to meet no matter what and that fate will always make sure of that. You can’t fight fate, was her motto.” He huffed out a breath, “I believe that once you meet your soul-mate you know, you just know.”

The audience was overwhelmed by his response to the question. 

“That’s amazing, Kaidan.” The Commander said. “I believe the same thing.”

“You do?” Kaidna was surprised. He thought that no one else would believe such a silly thing like that, but he was wrong.

“Yeah,” The affection was evident in The Commander’s tone, “Next question, to Kaidan. What is your idea of a perfect first date spot?”

Really? Well this was a dating show so cheesy questions were a given. A century has passed and show writers still cant find any new lines to use. 

“I would be cliché in saying that a nice fancy restraint is the perfect first date spot, so I wont.” Kaidan felt like it was just him in The Commander, that there was no one else as they spoke even though he couldn’t see The Commander. “I would say that the perfect first day spot is whatever the couple can agree on. It doesn’t have to be a fancy restaurant, it could be a meal at a café, a meal at home, or anywhere we want it to be. So long as its just the two of us, its perfect.”

There was an aww from the audience. Kaidan’s response had apparently moved them. Some women and men were seen wiping away a tear drop. 

In the audience he could his friends hugging each other, sobbing at his words with delight. 

“Kaidan, please.” Jane was rubbing away a tear from her eye with her finger. “My make up will run.”

The audience happily laughed at her words, in agreement. 

“Do you have another question Commander?” Jane asked.

“No, we can move on, Jane.”

“He’s only asked me one question!” Saren yelled out.

“Moving on.” Jane ignored him.

The next part of the show was the Talent Show-Off. The wall behind the contestants split open to make the stage larger and more open.

“This is the Talent Show-Off,” Jane started, “Each contestant will use their strongest talent and show them off. Then our Commander here will comment on them and their performance.” 

Jane now stood off to the side with the contestants right next to her.

“First up, Garrus Vakarian,” Garrus walked up to stand in the middle of the stage, “What will you be doing Garrus?”

“I will be shooting at moving targets with a sniper rifle.” Garrus said. Jane proceeded to tap away at her datapad so she could manipulate the stage to provide what Garrus’ needed for his performance. A sniper rifle rose from the stage floor as well as a disc shooter that would provide the targets for Garrus.

“A marksman huh.” Jane sounded interested. “Wonder if you can beat The Commander own record.”

“Hah,” The Commander said good-humoredly, “That’ll be the day.”

“Care to bet Commander?” Garrus asked.

“Sure, loser buys drinks, top shelf.”

“You’re on.”

Garrus walked up to the rifle and readied himself. Once he was in positon and ready he gave Jane the go ahead to being. The crowd grew silent and waited.

“Pull!” Garrus yelled to prompt the disc shooter to start.

A disc was launched into the air and Garrus flawlessly shot it down. The cheered for Garrus.

“Come on, give me something harder than that.” Garrus said.

“Alright, you asked for it.” Jane said tapping at her datapad.

Five discs were now loaded simultaneously onto the disc shooter. Once again the audience fell silent to allow Garrus to focus. 

“Pull!” The discs flew out one by one in rapid succession. One after the other Garrus seamlessly shot them down. The discs were in pieces once he was done with them. The audience roared their support for Garrus and his effortless marksmanship. 

Garrus brought the muzzle of the gun up to his mouth and blew out the small smoke coming off the rifle. “How was that?”

“Not bad,” The Commander commented, “But you still haven’t beaten my record, Vakarian.”

“He’s right,” Jane chimed in. “You were 1.2 seconds behind The Commander.”

“Are you kidding me?” Garrus asked incredulously. Jane shook her head and Garrus released a frustrated sigh as he walked up to stand at his spot. It was all in good fun.

“See ya at the bar, Vakarian.” The Commander said.

Up next was Saren, his talent was……(Yeah, I’m skipping him. Everyone good with that? Awesome! Skip.)

Finally, it was Kaidan’s turn to show off. (Sare doesn’t have a talent anyway.)

“Kaidan,” Jane sounded eager to see what he’ll do, “What will you be doing?”

He didn’t have many talents to show off. The only he had of worth for this was his Biotics. His superiors had commented on how exceptional he was o the field. He figured maybe he could be as exceptional here.

“Uh, I guess Biotics,” Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck shyly, “It’s sort of what I’m good at.”

“What targets would you like? Moving, stationary?” She listed off his options. Kaidan went with robotic targets with fake assault rifles. 

Kaidan walked up to the center of the stage, like Garrus did, and readied himself. He breathed in through his nose and exhaled out his mouth. He nodded to Jane; signaling to her that he was ready. The crowd behind him fell silent and waited.

His task had started.

The audience held their collective breath.

Androids came out onto the stage firing off fake rifles. There were five on his left and four on his right. 

Kaidan closed his caramel colored eyes and reopened them to reveal a stark electric blue. His skin felt that familiar tingle; that feel of power from his Biotics. Power coursed through his body and he knew he was ready. 

Kaidan fired a shockwave at the four androids closing in on him, effectively pushing them back. The five on his left were getting closer to him now.

He used his Biotics to lift up to androids and knock them into the other three, pushing them to the right. The androids stood up and regrouped. Now all seven androids were heading towards him at once.

Kaidan shot off a Singularity at the incoming Droids. The robots were caught in the Biotic’s field, but they weren’t destroyed.

In one swift moved Kaidan Slammed the Droids to the ground. The combination of power caused the Singularity to shred the androids to pieces as the Slam crushed the remains. 

He closed his electric blue eyes then opened them to show his honey colored eyes. 

Kaidan turned to look at Jane standing in shock. 

“How was that?” He asked nervously.

No response. 

He chanced a glance at the audience, still silent.

Then the audience stood as one and screamed out, applauding and cheering for Kaidan’s performance.

“Kaidan,” Jane finally came out of her shocked state, “That was fantastic, I’ve never seen anyone use their Biotics like that. Commander thoughts?”

Kaidan blushed at her comments about his performance.

“Fantastic is a drastic understatement, Jane.” The Commander sound impressed and excited at Kaidan. “I mean did you see how he handled them. He was practically levitating in the air using his Biotics.”

Kaidan’s heart fluttered at hearing the praise in The Commander’s voice.

“He was floating!” Jane exclaimed. “He’s probably better than me.”

Jane and The Commander laughed, making Kaidan’s stomach do a little flip at the sweet sound of The Commander’s laughter.

“Makes me wonder what else he can do with Biotics of his.” The Commander did restrain his tone of arousal.

“Patience Commander,” Jane said, “We still have another activity to do.”

“A guy can imagined can’t he,” The Commander teased.

“Alright let’s move on to the final portion of the show.” Jane said to the audience once things had calmed down.

“This is the gift exchange,” Jane began, “Where the contestants can give The Commander whatever they want. First up Garrus.”

“Well I’m already buying him drinks,” Garrus said playfully, “I might as well buy him dinner.”

The audience, Jane, and The Commander laughed at that.

“What do you say, Commander?” Jane asked teasingly. 

“Might as well, I accept.” The Commander visibly shrugged. “Thanks Garrus.”

(Skipped Saren. :D )

“Kaidan, what do you have for our Commander?”

All eyes were on him now. Truthfully Kaidan was probably dreading this part of the show the most, because he had nothing to offer. Well, except for one thing. If ever there was a chance to put himself out there, this was definitely it.

Kaidan took a calming breath before speaking. 

“I don’t have anything to offer,” Kaidan started, “I guess I’ll take a risk here and I’ll offer…” He swallowed the lump in his throat then choked out the words, “I’ll offer my heart.”

He didn’t know it then, but Kaidan had made the best choice of his life.

“That’s uh,” Jane seemed to be at a loss for words. The audience was lightly sobbing at his words. His friends were smiling at him with small tears in their eyes. Even Garrus looked moved by his statement.

“Commander?” Jane had decided to defer to The Commander.

“I-I” The Commander’s breathed hitched. Had he done something wrong? Was he not supposed to do something like this? God, Kaidan felt so stupid at thinking he could- “I’ll accept.”

Jane nodded her agreement. “Kaidan any person would be lucky to have you.”

The audience clapped happily, some still wiping away the small tears in their eye.

“Ok let’s do our final ruling. The Commander will now decide which contestant he’ll date and which contestants he’ll ditch.” Jane looked down at her datapad, “I’ll read of the contestant’s name and The Commander will decide.”

“Saren.”

“Ditch.” The Commander didn’t hesitate to answer.

“Saren, thank you for coming on the show.” Jane said motioning for him to leave the stage.

Saren got up from his chair and left with an angry look on his face.

“We’re down to two contestants, Commander.” Jane paused again for dramatic effect. “Who will you date?”

“This is a hard one to decide on.” The Commander said as he pondered his choice. “Garrus and Kaidan are both great people and I would like to get to know the both of you despite who I choose.”

He stayed silent for a bit. This only made Kaidan’s nerves run higher.

The Commander sighed, “I’m sorry Garrus you’re great and I would really like to get to know you as a friend.” Garrus nodded his understanding and left the same way he had entered. The audience cheered him as he exited the stage.

“I choose Kaidan as the one I want to date.” The audience exploded, but none were louder than Kaidan’s friends, obviously happy that he won this dating show despite him not wanting to be here.

“Kaidan, would you like to meet The Commander now?” Jane extended out a hand for him and he took it. 

She led him up to where the silhouette of The Commander was now seen standing behind the white screen. 

The white screen was peeled back automatically.

The first thing he saw was the sky. Those blue eyes engulfed Kaidan, making him a willing captive to them. 

Kaidan’s world froze in that instant. He would swear that in that moment it was just him and the man in front of him. His pulse quickened and his breathing grew heavy.

“Hi,” The Commander said. “My name’s John, John Shepard.”

He would have laughed if it were under different circumstance. Hearing the man’s name, knowing who he was. It made him feel…..whole. 

Like he found his soul-mate.

“Hi,” Kaidan breathed out, “Kaidan Alenko.”

John cupped his cheek and Kaidan instinctively leaned into it. John moved forward bring their lips achingly close, but not touching. He could feel John’s warm breath when he spoke.

“Nice to meet you.” 

Kaidan’s response was swallowed down by John as he brought their lips together in a burning kiss.

 

_-_

 

5 Years Later

The screen went black as the video recording ended.

Memories of that day and what happened after came flooding back to him. Every year, since that day, he’s been watching the dating show recoding on the same day to remind himself of when his life made way for the love his life.

The past five years have been the best and sometimes worst of years. 

Kaidan wouldn’t change a single thing that happened in those years. 

He got up from the sofa and made his way to the TV to turn it off. The wedding band on his hand caught the light. It still shined like the first day he laid eyes on it. 

Kaidan remember the day he was proposed to. The months leading to that day were hectic and the months after were just as insane, but the past three years of marriage were completely worth it. 

The door slid open signaling someone had entered the apartment. 

“Kaidan,” John said. The way John says his name is always filled with love. “I’m back.”

“Hey,” Kaidan walked up to the John and hugged him. Resting his hand on his husband’s waist he asked, “Had a good day today?”

“Yeah it was good,” Kaidan only hummed in agreement. They remained in a comfortable silence, just staring into the others eyes. Both of them swimming in and endless sea off love. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Kaidan said.

Like the first time they kissed, John cupped his cheek and he instinctively leaned into it. 

John leaned in to capture his lips in a searing kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Questions, comments, concerns, Kudos, etc.  
> All are welcomed. 
> 
> Find me on tumblr!
> 
> CommanderCereith
> 
> :D


End file.
